Not single but looking


“Hi! Nice matching with you! Just so you know, I’m only here for fun. Nothing serious. Hookups only”

“Ok. Sure. We’ll see”

“Oh one more thing! I have a gf”


Seriously. That was how my conversation goes with one of the Tinder matches. And he was not the only guy I came across who  is not single but is on Tinder. There are more of them than you think! Heck my friend even came across/went on a date with a married one (without knowing that piece of information first)

Some guys think it is nice enough to tell us upfront that they are in a relationship. Some require our superb investigating skill. But the bottom line is (and this is just my opinion) not-single people just shouldn’t be on a dating app!!

1. You will hurt your significant other. I have been cheated on before in what I had agreed on as an open relationship. Even though how cool I tried to be, it still wasn’t cool. It still hurt. And noone should ever have to go through/deal with that pain of betrayal, especially the one who loves you. Regardless the agreement you may have with your partner, know that you flirting/sleeping with someone else will hurt her/him. And if there is no agreement. Lying will just make it worst.

2. You give single people some hopes up. You lure us with your gorgeous smile. You have perfect education and job. You seem tall. And your profile description says you’re funny. You make us want to like you. And you make us giggle when we match. We basically build up a small hope that maybe we’ll click and that we’ll live happily ever after. (Okay well, not the latter part but you know what I mean)

3. You waste both of our time. I could have been writing an academic paper and get it published on an international journal instead of talking to you and trying to make sense of what you said (and writing this blog entry!!) And you could have been, I don’t know, figuring out what you are doing or something.

4. You disrespect your gf/bf, your match, and more importantly yourself. Well I guess I don’t really need to explain this any further. No decent people will feel good about this mess. I am well aware that people have different views and reasons for their action. But it can’t be denied that people generalize everything. And cheating is generally a no no in the mainstream judgemental society. I mean it’s great if all three parties happily agree with this. But what are the odds that at least one of them wouldn’t feel slightly used/disrespected?

But again, relationships are just so complicated. And who am I to judge, right?! And many people on Tinder are weird anyway (probably including me). But you know I’ll keep swiping. Not that I’m that desperate to meet guys or to find love. It’s just what I do when I’m bored – I window shop online.

– Me


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